This passivity!

It's a saturday.. officially a holiday but there is work to be done.. it has piled up over a lazy week spent at office doing nothing but playing a few games of table-tennis, orkutting and reading blogs/wikipedia and chatting... and all I can manage now is to sit and stare at the screen (not at the excel sheets and market reports though) and listen to music.. The empty coffee cup lies desolately on the table after making an abortive effort to stimulate some grey matter inside my brain. It isnt dead yet. It still frets about the things to do, the deadlines etc. but that is all it is capable of now and no more....

Long long time ago, the mind wasn't this numb. It liked doing things faster and better than everyone around. It wanted to know more than anybody else. It loved books, of all kinds. It loved being questioned, liked raising a few too. And revelled in knowing the answers to the unknown. The hand would invariably rise in any class. Eyes would try to make contact with those of the teacher to grab attention. It was methodical, clinical in it's approach to anything. Failure was despised so much so that a kite that didn't fly on a windless day would bring down tears. The crumbling house made of playing cards would cause much heart break. And now..

...the inquisitiveness and confidence of a 14 year old have been replaced by the anxiety and fear of a 24 year old. Simple things take time to accomplish. It is impossible to stick to a plan. The mind wanders easily, often, to completely unconcerning issues. It tends to go into a state of worrisome restlessness. Competition is not savored but feared. Criticism is accepted without a word of protest, without any effort to prove it wrong or work on a mistake. Is this an unending spiral to the bottom? I shudder to think so. The mind still wants to break free of the claustrophobic walls that it has built around itself. It still believes this isn't me.. this can't be me. May be there is still a way out of this limbo.. Hope is afterall a good thing, probably the best of things...

the new drug lord in town..

This thing with IIT coaching...

My sister just finished her class Xth exams and given the uncertainity involved in my dad's transfer to hyderabad, she came here all the way from Chennai, in the middle of a much deserved summer break, to give a battery of entrance exams. To where you ask? Well, these are for getting admission to the coaching classes which guide you for the IIT Joint Entrance Exam. Now there are coaching classes for these entrance exams to the coaching centers for IIT entrance too. and some foundation courses right upto class V. Amazing isn't it? There is so much fucking money in Education as long as the great Indian middle class in all its stupidity wants to get all its children into these elite institutions. and all that for what? Greed. Pure greed. An IIT seat is a ticket to success. Success here being determined by how much you earn post that.

And it doesnt stop there. The IMSes, TIMEs and CareerForums of the world have shown how much money there is to be made in MBA entrances. With the no. of students taking these exams swelling nicely year on year, I think it is high time to step in and share some of the exploits. After all, we are greedy too. With the no. of international schools, engg. and medical colleges and management institutions growing exponentially, may be, I can have a couple of those for myself and take a vacation off in the Carribean with the donation money. Man! I am turning ambitious here :D

Table tennis...

This is one sport I have loved playing since the first day I held a TT racquet in class V. Though I haven't still managed to learn a decent serve, I am good at belting out smashes to any corner of the table.. and the thrill in getting perfect reflex shots cannot be described in words .. so a game of TT is always thoroughly enjoyed especially so, if it is in office.. makes for a perfect break inbetween excel sheets and annual reports..

But there is something really annoying about this game. It so happens that people tend to learn it faster than me.. they start at a beginner level, keep getting belted and then slowly their game improves, they start serving better, have a better control over their shots and voila! I am at the recieving end.. that too without any punch in their smashes.. and that results in much heartbreak...